Women........Get the relationship and sex you want

Every woman wants to be happy, especially in a relationship.  Too often we think we know what we want in a man.........we have preconceived notions and are more often than not, unwilling to waiver from the pictures painted in our heads. Have you ever considered that those pretty little pictures may be just that?  Pretty notions, pretty patterns of some imaginable man we have not met?  

Sometimes we see in our heads, a picture of what we consider handsome, virile, masculine, just perfect, too perfect.  A picture or blue print that no man could ever live up to.  A Prince Charming...a man who simply does not exist. 

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Where do we come up with these ideas, pictures and impossible images?  Well most of us grow up watching too much TV, too many movies, reading too many romance books concerning the perfect man.  Do you feel pretty, charming, gracious and even tempered all of the time?  Probably not.  So why do you think a man must, 24/7, live up to your image of perfection?  It just isn't going to happen, no matter how much we want it.  Does this mean a happy, satisfying relationship, both emotionally and sexually, cannot exist for you?  Of course not.  You can have it all, if you become realistic in your thinking and and take note, truthfully, of what sort of personality would make and keep you happy.

What happens in real life is this:  While thinking we know the kind of guy we want, we pick, we actually find the kind of guy we deserve at that time because we didn't consider everything in a down to earth manner. 

In the next blog we will consider why, when we find the guy in our heads, the relationship sours and the wheels fall off.  

 

    

 

Where's the logic?

We have been bombarded with pictures, news articles and opinions on social media sites of the recent shooting of innocent kids.  No, I cannot imagine the horror those parents, that school or the town is experiencing.  It must be absolutely horrible.

In 2006, Amish children in Pennsylvania were killed by a gunman who entered their school and also opened fire.  I have to be honest here and say, I really didn't see a whole lot of debate then about gun control.  Yet those Amish children are just as precious as any other.

Admittedly these are awful tragedies and many people in America think something should be done.  Are we now, as my Dad used to say: "Closing the barn door after the horse got out?"  Shouldn't something have been done much earlier to prevent such things?  You have heard of prevention, haven't you?

There is much inhumanity going on in the world that breaks my heart as well.  I also cannot imagine being blasted from by bed, in my home, in the middle of the night, in Iraq, by a country holding me accountable for something I never did.  Don't we need impulse control as a country too?

 

 

It seems so very easy to hate a faceless enemy.  Do we make war on innocent children, old people and innocent civilians and just sit by and say nothing?  Why?

There are innocent children, every year, in America, who live with the chance of being killed, every time they step out in their neighborhood streets.  Those kids who face the rain of bullets from drug running thugs who spray bullets in all directions in drive by shootings, killing anyone in their path.  Children murdered, children whose only crime is being poor and having to live in those neighborhoods.  I dare say if this was happening in affluent neighborhoods, there would be an outcry in America such as we have never heard before.

 

America has allowed huge corporations to take over our government, to run it, financially and otherwise.  Nothing gets done except a hatred for 'Americans not on their side' and a division in America that hasn't been seen since our Civil War.  Americans have allowed big businesses to go to other countries, make virtual slaves of workers, just so we can have cheap goods.  Americans have allowed corporations to look like they represent us, as citizens.  Making it look like all fat cat Americans use their people in foreign lands like so much trash.  Then we wonder why other countries would like to see our demise.  I don't know about you, but those companies do not represent me, not now, not ever.   Yet Americans think we should also pick up the tab for corporations lax in paying taxes.  We should pick up the tab for their health care, while we get none and mop up the messes those corporations leave behind, which I suspect is a lot of carnage for us to pay for.

Are we then also going to be willing to absorb the hatred they have instilled in other countries, making it look like we, innocent civilians, are backing the corporations?  America needs to think long and hard on that last question.

 

  

 

Advice I would give to my 20 year old self

We all have regrets in life, we all say: "If I only knew then what I know now."  We would all, anyone over 40 anyway, would love to go 'Back to the Future' if possible.

I've been thinking about this topic recently.  Maybe watching grown kids heading down a path that might lead to disaster, maybe not standing their ground when it's needed, whatever the reasons, it has been on my mind.

Here is some advice I would give to myself, hopefully I would listen and take heed.

A} In a relationship, stand up for yourself, have more confidence and say so when you don't like what may be going on.

B} No, your 20's do not last forever, so make the most of them.  Cultivate a career, be a better parent, listen to your gut feelings.

C} Remember that life is not high school.  Be yourself, no matter what others think, be true to your passions.

D} Don't allow anyone else to sway you, to try and turn you into someone you are not. You have to live in your own skin a very long time.

C} Do not think the first love who comes along will always be your last.  He may not be your last chance for happiness, marriage or a good life.  You're young, shop around, be picky and be happy.

D} Get to know yourself before having a relationship.  The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you can work on, early, when young.  Know who you are, where you want to go, what your likes and dislikes really are.

E} If things aren't going well, have the courage and conviction to stand up and say so, no matter what others think. 

These things are but some of the items I would advise myself if I had the opportunity to do so.

How about you?  Do you have any advice you would like to share?  Feel free to do so.  I'd love to read about it.    

Free

I am offering a free book as a thank you to all my fans and for those who have not read this first copy yet.

I have a few left as they seem popular.  I pay the shipping and you can specify how you want it signed.  Please place your request before December 30th and before all are gone.  I'd love to hear from you.

Email:  bobbirant@about.me 


I love to give free gifts to people.  I think you will enjoy this story.  

Social services hated and needed

It really mystifies why so many people in America are showing and posting on social networks, a pure hatred for social services.  Too many people are under the myth that poor people are 'bringing America down.'  Few people realize that poor people only use 15% of most services, especially Medicaid.  The bulk of Medicaid, a whopping 85% is collected by that billion dollar industry known as nursing homes.  Do you really think we should toss your Grandma out into the streets?  

A good friend of mine, I will just say, S. worked as a Social Services Examiner.  It seems those working in a social services agency are some of the most hated people.  I do know, I really would not want that job.  She was a very good examiner, but it seems there is no place for those who are compassionate, feeling and really willing to help.

Those agencies like the nasty, giving you a hard time, 'I think this money comes from my paycheck' types of people.  Everyone in the outside world hates social services of course until they are laid off, sick and need it themselves, then it seems to be fine and fair, if they are the recipients.

Most people only need social services for a short period.  Do you think abused women should be denied?  The elderly who may not eat or get a place to live, should be denied?  The working mother who cannot earn enough to make ends meet, should be denied?  Do you think you and your loved ones, if tragedy strikes, should be denied?  Most Americans are one paycheck, one illness, one layoff from a job, away from poverty in America.  Few of them live high on the hog as the popular myth idea in America is perpetuated.  Guess again!

Just think about it next time you are tempted to hate people who need a boost in life simply to survive.

Also remember that life isn't fair either.  My good friend once told me: "The sooner people get over the notion that life is fair, the happier they will be."  She is so right.  

https://www.facebook.com/SocialWorkersRPeopleToo

Dating and sex in a real world

My husband of almost 14 years, and I met online.  We met in 1998 when chat rooms were the popular thing, before social media took hold.

Can online meetings work?  I'm a firm believer it can and does and it has been working for us for 15 of those 14 years of marriage.  We've been together for 15 years and it just gets better each year.  How do we do it?

We were in out late 40's and I know young people like to think all this dating stuff is only for those under 30, but they are not correct.  Dating, love and romance is for everyone.

One thing I have noticed with some people is that either they keep 'dating' online for too long, or are disappointed when the do meet the real person they have been talking to.

First off, it's best to meet as soon as possible.........this dispels any illusions either person may have conjured up in their heads.  Meet in the safest places possible of course, don't be foolish about safety..ever.

Another thing too many people experience, both male and female, is they are hung up on looks, how is that person dressed, how do they wear their hair, etc.  Now of course, we all want someone who does not look like a train wreck and we want someone who bathes and wears clean clothes. That aside, it's just high school and too superficial to be too hung up on looks.  

Some of the best and long lasting relationships come about for two people or at least one person, who thinks 'this person isn't my type.'  Get over it!  We don't always know just what our 'type' is until we have given a person a chance.

I didn't really know my type either until I met him and I didn't fall instantly in love, not as we know it from reading too many romance novels anyway, but we became friends first and that is a good sign.  We all need a partner we can talk to as a friend as well as a mate.

Now the subject of sex, well only you can decide when you want to do that.  But those of us over 40 pretty much know who we are and I say trust your instincts, your gut feelings.

Do you have any experiences with online dating as a person over 40?

Sex, at any age, we all think about it

Nursing homes definitely are not places people ordinarily
think of anyone ever desiring sex, much less having
any. More elderly, even in nursing homes, not only
think about sex, they desire it but are usually
deterred from thinking about it and definitely
denied it, if staff has anything to say about it.

Most staff in nursing homes think older people
having sex is disgusting and all old people who
want sex must be perverts. It is expected that when
old people enter a nursing home to live, they will
automatically become eunuchs, understanding that
sex should be parked outside the doors and is a privilege
only for the young, or at least, only for old people
who live outside in the community.

To nursing home staff, finding an empty room for To nursing home staff, finding an empty room for
people to engage in a sexual act, means having to
clean a room that was already clean, and best left
that way, in other words, more work for them. To
corporations and owners, an empty room set aside
for such purposes means a room not producing
money 24/7 because it is empty.

This is almost like living in a concentration camp,
minus the torture, unless you count the harsh words
from staff as torture, maybe to some it is. Entering
a nursing home means giving up all pleasures,
except for those sanctioned by the facility. 

Perhaps there needs to be brochures that not only tell of the
benefits of living in a nursing home, but also list
the former pleasures you have to give up. Or
maybe it would suit their marketing department if
the brochure listed the pleasures sanctioned by the nursing home.  


Bingo is okay, looking out the window, reading, watching TV but *sigh* not sex!  OMG!

Well to Babyboomers, this is just unacceptable.  They come from a history of: "If it feels good do it............free love...........etc.

I read once that Boomers living in retirement communities are a large portion of those contracting AIDS.  Not sure how true the statistics are, after all, the same article said seniors abuse alcohol more than most too.  Oh yes, and drugs, but I think they were talking marijuana so to Boomers that is also a part of their normal history.  But, you don't get AIDS playing shuffleboard either.  

Sex is normal, and it is not something seniors need to be protected from, like we protect teens who have never had sex......unless it is a violent crime...........but consensual sex is something they do think about and even enjoy.

Seniors are not teenagers who need protection from sex.  Most of them have had sex at one time or another in their lives.  So adult kids who cannot stand the idea of their elderly parent having sex...........really should get a grip on reality and get over it. 

• Assisted Living Care Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/assisted-living/

• Memory Care Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/memory-care/

• Nursing Home Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/nursing-homes/

• Care Home Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/care-homes/

• Independent Living Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/independent-living/