Wednesday, January 23, 2013


When we have a relationship, as women, we tend to believe what we read in books, what we see in movies or even what we are told about love by our peers.  It doesn't matter if we are preteen, in our teens or older.  We women are the same, pretty much, we not only tend to believe, we want to believe. Even if we are told certain truths, by older, wiser women who have gone before us, we still think: "That was you, this is me and it's different."  So I'm told: You cannot tell them, they have to live it to learn it.  Is it because when it's learned it sticks with us better?  Perhaps.

What is it we need to believe, to hold on to and yet, many times we discover love and relationships are just the opposite of what our brains have held on to.  

We want to believe if we love them enough, they will never leave, it will not turn sour, love conquers all, we found our soul mate and if we love him enough, he will love us the same.  There is so much our parents, our friends and others we know, do not tells us too,

We are hardly ever told that a real relationship takes work, or it will sour, no matter how much you love him.  No, just because you love him, does not guarantee he loves you the same.  I believe we all have an agenda in our lives.  Maybe you are just there, he needs mothering, he needs to leave home (if young), he needs someone more stable than he is.  Whatever the reasons, they may not be the same as ours.

We want that right guy to fill us up, emotionally, we want that more than we will even admit, we want that usually before we even know who we are.  Before we learn to love who we are.  We think he is supposed to love us no matter what, unconditionally like our parents maybe did, or didn't do, so then we want him to fill a void our parents or parent, did not fill.

Finally, when it does fall apart, turn sour and it breaks up, we are stunned, we don't get it right away.  We feel an ache that is left behind, an ache we feel should not be there.  An ache, longing, a hole in our hearts that take a long, long time to get over. 

Can any of you relate?