Losses

When we have a relationship, as women, we tend to believe what we read in books, what we see in movies or even what we are told about love by our peers.  It doesn't matter if we are preteen, in our teens or older.  We women are the same, pretty much, we not only tend to believe, we want to believe. Even if we are told certain truths, by older, wiser women who have gone before us, we still think: "That was you, this is me and it's different."  So I'm told: You cannot tell them, they have to live it to learn it.  Is it because when it's learned it sticks with us better?  Perhaps.

What is it we need to believe, to hold on to and yet, many times we discover love and relationships are just the opposite of what our brains have held on to.  

We want to believe if we love them enough, they will never leave, it will not turn sour, love conquers all, we found our soul mate and if we love him enough, he will love us the same.  There is so much our parents, our friends and others we know, do not tells us too,

We are hardly ever told that a real relationship takes work, or it will sour, no matter how much you love him.  No, just because you love him, does not guarantee he loves you the same.  I believe we all have an agenda in our lives.  Maybe you are just there, he needs mothering, he needs to leave home (if young), he needs someone more stable than he is.  Whatever the reasons, they may not be the same as ours.

We want that right guy to fill us up, emotionally, we want that more than we will even admit, we want that usually before we even know who we are.  Before we learn to love who we are.  We think he is supposed to love us no matter what, unconditionally like our parents maybe did, or didn't do, so then we want him to fill a void our parents or parent, did not fill.

Finally, when it does fall apart, turn sour and it breaks up, we are stunned, we don't get it right away.  We feel an ache that is left behind, an ache we feel should not be there.  An ache, longing, a hole in our hearts that take a long, long time to get over. 

Can any of you relate?  

A good old fashioned American idea

I watched the movie: Lincoln the other day.  It got me to thinking about politics and the crap going on in D.C. for too many years now.  When Abraham Lincoln wanted his Emancipation Proclamation passed, he found a way around the political engine in his day, that wanted to squelch it. 

What was so special about that Thirteenth Amendment?  

Well not only did it make owning slaves illegal, many Senators and Congressmen knew if they voted 'yea'  for it, it could place their lives in danger. 

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirteenth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution

During the Great Depression of 2012 and 2013...........oops, sorry, got carried away there.  The First Great Depression of 1929, President Roosevelt certainly knew how to get around the obstacles of his day when people were out of work and America needed jobs, not empty promises and empty speeches. 

Watching some of the inauguration posted on the Internet (I refused to watch it all) and seeing the partying, it just reminded me of Nero fiddling while Rome was burning.  While many Americans are homeless, out of work, cannot afford food, shelter and clothing, much less hob nob with the rich and disgusting in D.C., we get this huge celebration rubbed in our faces.  What in Hell is there to celebrate in America right now?

Well, here's an idea.  Why don't the American people pick and endorse and assist an average citizen, a person who was not born into favor and advantage, but is like you and like me?  Someone who is not into playing politics, listening to lobbying fools pitching every damned idea that is anything but for helping the real people who do real voting. 

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

Source:

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/5543-insanity-is-doing-the-same-thing-over-and-over-again

Hasn't the insanity going on in D.C. been so not working?  When something isn't working, well, it needs to be scrapped and another plan should be put in place.

Call me crazy, tell me it cannot be done, but ya know, America was founded on ideas that others said: Couldn't be done.  Here we are.  You will say it takes huge amounts of monies to run a campaign.  Yet I read many stories last year and the year before, how Senators and Congressmen and women, still got voted in with less money than their competitors had.  Many Americans start businesses all the time, successful businesses, people who knew nothing about running a business.  It is America and it is the American way, people!

Hell, if Sarah Palin could have a Super PAC, stealing the donations, taking her family on a long vacation, and bought an RV, and ran for absolutely nothing, then anyone could do it.  Hell, I've met Political Science students who would work for a small salary, or even volunteer for the experience and college credit, who could run a campaign better than those fools who are paid big bucks for it.

We need a President who will use the government, like Roosevelt, to put Americans to work.  Lord knows America's infrastructure is falling apart,  in need of labor to fix roads, build and fix bridges and our electrical grids are vastly outdated and we need a fast train to compete with those airlines who rip passengers off left and right.  Can't be done?  Surely it can be done.

We need a President who would like a bipartisan group in D.C. but when they find out it isn't happening, then side step them.  Screw them anyway.

What's the worst that can happen?  We get a President, male or female, who gives a damn about their voters, who is one of us, who understands and does not turn a deaf ear or blind eye to the American people's wants and needs.  The worst anyone could say about such a President is: "That one cares too much."  Well there are much worse legacies a President could leave behind.

Think about it, find a leader with charisma, get a petition going, hire political science students to set up tables in every mall, every public place they can get in to and start a Super PAC for someone who will make a difference.

Someone who could say: "Lobbying is now outlawed."  We can control guns, we can control lobbying.  All lobbyists do is cheat, lie and bribe politicians.  We need someone to say: "No, Wall Street, you do not get the American tax money while paying big bonuses to people undeserving while Americans go hungry and homeless because of no jobs."    Someone to say: "No American car companies, you do not get American tax money because if you cannot make a decent product someone wants to buy, at a reasonable price, then step aside and allow American companies who can do that."  

A President who understands that if the majority of Americans are allowed to starve, then America is being destroyed from within.  A President who tells Congress and the Senate that: "If you can't do your job, you need a pay cut, not a pay raise." 

A President who can, and will, fire those businessmen in D.C. who only care about their rich friends.  You know, the ones Ronald Reagan put in there in the 80's when America really started to fail.

Remember, America is heading towards a two class system.  A two class system gave rise to the French Revolution and the killing of aristocrats.  

A two class system gave rise to Nazi Germany and Hitler.  A man that just 10 years prior to the German people starving, they considered his notions crazy.  When people starve, they have nothing to lose and they become the most dangerous people on the face of the earth.

Come on America!   Yes, it can and should be, done!

For love part 4

 “Hi, are we ready to go then?” 

 “Yep, don’t wait up for me Dad.”

  I was looking over my shoulder as we headed 
for the door.

“How long you plan to be out, Sweat Pea?” 
Dad asked with a sort of accusing tone to his 
voice I'd come to know so well, like he was 
challenging me and letting me know that 
anything past midnight would be the wrong 
answer.  

 “Oh probably at least past midnight, so you 
know you need your sleep, Daddy, don't wait 
up.”

  I turned to Steve: “Dad’s health hasn’t been 
the best lately,” I explained.  

“My health is just fine,” Dad replied.  “Don’t 
you worry about me; I plan to be here a long 
time yet, Sweet pea.  Now about when you plan to come home tonight."


 I grabbed Steve’s arm, steering him to the 
front door quickly.  The sooner we left the 
better.  I had a twinge of guilt on my way to the 
door so I turned back and gave Dad a big hug 
and kiss before I followed Steve outside.


“I’m pretty sure your dad might not like me 
very much,” Steve said when we were safely 
inside his car.  
I just laughed and assured him it wasn’t personal, it 
was the fact that I told Dad he had chosen the 
Army as a career instead of an accounting job 
or something.  Steve looked at me, an 
expression of confusion crossing his face. 

 “I know it’s a contradiction, my dad being a lifer and all.  But he thinks I should have a husband, one day, with a stable job, and we will live in one place, the little house, picket 
fence, a few kids and all.   Don’t get me wrong, Dad loves the Army, but he knows it was hard for  me, all the moving and such, I know he means well.”
  

I didn’t tell Steve that my dad was sure my mom had left him because he had chosen a career in the Army.

  He and my mom used to fight often and one of my earliest memories was of them fighting, about my dad being in the 
military and gone for so many weeks at a time. 

One night, when I was 5, my mom said she was going to the store to get some milk and we haven’t seen her since. 

 I think she had a boyfriend because once when we went to the park, my mom introduced me to  a guy she told me to call, “Uncle Charlie.”  That seemed like so many, many years ago now. 

Since I haven’t known Steve very long I decided this was information he didn’t need to know; yet. 

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For love Part 3

I was excited tonight, this was our first date and I was looking forward to showing Steve off to all my high school friends at the party.  I 
refused to allow my dad's disapproval of dating Steve to ruin my excitement.



“Get the door Daddy,” I yelled from my room 
again.  

“Do I have to?”   He was kidding, I think. He 
often used that tone when he was not happy 
with one of my choices though.


 “Yes, Daddy, please, for me?”  I begged him.

 “I’m going, I’m going.”  Opening the door, he 
looked this handsome young man up and down 
with a critical eye as I peeked around the 
corner, from my bedroom door.  

 “She will be down in a minute, Son, take a seat 
on the sofa.”
I hurriedly did a last check on my hair and makeup, then almost flew down the stairs, 
hoping Dad and Steve didn’t have to have much 
of a conversation.  I had no idea where a 
lengthy chat might lead, especially in my dad’s case.

  I knew Dad could ask some uncomfortable questions, making them sound almost like an interrogation sometimes.

 He has done that in the past with the few dates I ever did manage to land. 


“Hi Steve,”  I said, giving him a peck on the cheek.


Steve was smiling and by the look on his face, I knew I'd picked the right outfit for the evening. 

He seemed very pleased when he saw me.

For love part 2

In order to understand where my dad is coming from in his objections of me dating a guy who has chosen a career in the military, you need to know that he too chose a military career, so the job itself isn't something he thinks isn't a good 
choice, it's one he thinks isn't a good choice for 
me to marry into. 





 My father has been in the Army for 26 years now, he is a Drill Instructor and I grew up as sort of an Army brat, moving around a lot from town to town from the time I was born until I turned 15. 

It has been a life full of a lot of moves, new schools, new neighborhoods and so I never made many friends in most of those other places.  I mean why bother to make friends 

when maybe next year you would be living 

somewhere else?  I just never could see the 

point.  

  

I’ve become a very good student though, in
spite of it or maybe because of it. I guess I 

threw myself into my studies to make up for 

my lack of friends and I loved reading because 

I could always count on books to be there, in 

the next town, the next library.    I have my
favorites, books that is, and they have, over time, become my best friends.  I suppose I became an avid reader because books were 
where I read about the normal kids, with 
normal houses and normal families; normal 
meaning, for me, staying in one spot all their lives.



 Usually while other kids were having birthday 
parties and going to camp, I was packing to 
move yet again, to the next base where my dad 
was assigned to work. 
 I’m also a diabetic so I’m prone to having 
problems if my blood sugar gets too low or my 
insulin needs to be adjusted.  
That often made the other kids almost afraid of 
me because I’d get sweaty hands and eerie skin 
pallor during one of those diabetic moments. 
Those moments didn't do much for helping me 
make friends.
  Most kids in elementary and middle school steered clear of me like I was contagious or something, leaving me to be pretty much of a loner.

  Sometimes even the teachers seemed to be nervous about my condition, I'd often catch them looking at me, like they were looking for signs of a 'spell' coming on me.



 I even made one teacher panic so badly she spoke to my dad about the possibility of home schooling me.  


 My dad and I had grown close over the years, 
especially after my mom left us.  He became very good at adjusting my insulin and helping me watch my diet so I stayed healthy for the most part. 


I love my dad, he seems so strong and sure of himself and I’ve grown accustomed to listening to his advice because he has always taken very good care of me.


 I rarely, if ever, questioned his judgement or went against his wishes.  He always had pretty good instincts as far as I was concerned, so I ended up trusting what he said, while growing up under his roof.




But dating Steve is the one thing I am now determined to do, defying my dad this time, something I usually never do.  I know he has my best interests at heart, he has never steered me in the wrong direction with his advice before, but 
this time I have decided to stand my ground if I have to.


 I don’t even know why for sure because Steve isn’t even the kind of guy I usually dreamed about falling for.  

 He is rugged looking, he looks like a jock, the look a professional football player might have.   I always thought I 

was more attracted to guys who looked like surfers, blonde hair and slender.

  

Steve has big bulging muscles, like he works out at the gym 
several times a week.  I guess that's what the Army workouts do for some guys.  He also has dark hair, dark brown, almost black. 

 But somehow, when our gazes met and he shook my hand at the barbecue, it suddenly felt like a jar of lightning bolts had been opened, hitting me with jolts of awareness that I found impossible to ignore.  


  Truth be told, I usually never noticed guys much anyway, but the ones who had caught my eye were usually surfer 
types, something Steve definitely was not.

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For Love

“You will not marry a military lifer if I can help 
it.”  My father was yelling from the living room 
because I had told him I have a date this 
evening with Steve, the guy I met just one 
week ago at our home barbecue, the backyard 
party my father decided to put on for some of 
the military  people from the local Reserve 
Center in Penn Yan, New York, where we live.  

The weather forecast, the day of the barbecue, had called for sunny skies, warm temperatures and little did I know, 
with a mixture of love in the air.

  The last thing I had planned on was meeting an Army man 
that I’d soon become infatuated with. 
I was used to seeing young men come and go at 
our home most of my life, so this was nothing 
new.   

They all apparently liked my dad a lot because they’d come over to see him and talk with him almost daily. 
 But I must admit, that sunny afternoon of the barbecue 
though, I could not ever remember seeing so 
many young men all at once at our home.  

In fact, Our backyard was so full of handsome 
young military men that day, my friend Angie 
remarked: “It looks like a smorgasbord of men. 
Something that every young woman dreams 
of.” 


I do remember looking for a place to sit down once 
my plate was full of food.  



 Suddenly I found myself looking at one of the handsomest guys I had ever laid eyes on ,  and he was sitting by himself.   He didn't notice me because he appeared to be pretty engrossed in the food on his plate.  


I decided to work up my nerve and go sit down 

across from him.  He barely looked up, but for a brief moment he did smile, say hi but then immediately began 

attacking his food again.

 “I guess the chef here knows how to 
barbecue.” 


 He stopped chewing and looked up, with an 
almost perplexed look on his face like he had 
no idea what I was talking about.   I smiled, 
drew a breath and decided to begin again. 



“I mean you seem to be very pleased with the 
food, meaning  the chef must be a pretty good 
at barbecuing,” I said.  

He nodded his head now as if he understood I was referring to the food on his plate.  I couldn't help but notice his body.  He was slender but muscular.  I wondered how he stayed looking this good by eating so much.

“Oh, well, it’s just that I really do love a good 
backyard barbecue.  I suppose I look like I 
haven’t eaten in a long time, kind of making a 
pig of myself I guess.”  

I suddenly felt embarrassed that he thought might be comparing him to a pig. I felt a flush creep across my cheeks.

Now almost stammering:  “Oh, I just meant,” He cut me off before I could finish my lame apology. 


“Hey, its fine, I know I was pretty wrapped up 
in my plate here.”  He reached out his hand: 
“Hi, I’m Steve and I’m pleased to meet you.”  I 
took his extended hand . 

“I’m Lacey Montgomery and I’m very pleased 
to meet you too,” I said in return. 


He paused for a moment as if he was deep in thought.   “Montgomery as in:"


“Yes as in the same last name as the DI who 
lives here; I’m his daughter,” I finished the sentence for him.

“So this is;” 


Yes,” I interrupted again, “this is where I 
live.” 

Now  his face seemed to turn a light shade of 
pink, like he was embarrassed with this new 
found knowledge.  


That’s how Steve and I first met, with me 
practically calling him a pig and so I’m always 
amazed he even liked me at all after that analogy. 

But he did like me, in fact he liked me enough 
to even accept an invitation to my 18th birthday 
party my best friend Angie was throwing for me 
the next weekend.  

Here I was now, the weekend of my 18th birthday party, me looking in the mirror, checking my choice of attire and my dad embarrassing the hell out of me by yelling up the stairs like some crazy person.  

Love and sex

Being happy is a learning process.  Be happy!

When women find that 'man of their dreams' and after a while, it starts to turn sour,  they tend to ask that proverbial question: why?  That guy is handsome, seems to have all the qualities they were looking for and well maybe the sex is great maybe it's mediocre.  But they cannot figure out why this 'right' guy isn't making them happy. If looks made us all happy, by the way, I guess there would never be any unhappy pretty people.  Well there are and they come in droves.



For starters, looking for a guy to make them happy is the first step in the wrong direction.  Who's responsibility is it to make you happy?  It's yours, not anyone else's.  Women hardly ever take the time to get to know who they are before jumping into a relationship.  How can you follow anyone if you haven't figured out who you are first?  The best statement anyone can make and mean it, is: "I know who I am."  If you don't know who you are the love and sex, will only be pretty much meaningless.

Too often, women act like being single is a fate worse than death.  They are sure they want to be with someone and too many times they settle.  They settle for the great looking guy who really is making them miserable by his actions or his lack of actions.

Women want guys to remember anniversaries, birthdays, little romantic moments just like in a novel.  A lot of times it's not going to happen this way.  Maybe, a couple of weeks before the big event, you may need to mention it's coming up.

Another problem many women have is they think a guy should just know how to be intimate.  Well maybe you need to woman up and tell him how you like your intimacy.  Too many women are way too shy in this department.  More on the great intimacy details in the next blog.