So she thinks this is love

Growing old scares her, she's over forty now, so she decides to date men far too young for her.  She dates guys who are the same age as her daughter, she thinks this will make her feel more attractive, more desirable, keep her younger, if only in her head.  She fails to admit to herself that she is, in fact, scared of getting older.  Realizing she now has two daughters who could very well make her a grandmother, she grimaces at the thought of that prospect.

Sandy, on the heels of a divorce, needs a reason to be happy.  She dates guys younger because she wants to capture that effervescence she once felt as a younger woman.  She works out, she gets her nails done, dyes her hair, all to look younger and more attractive to younger men.  She even dresses like women do in their twenties, not realizing skimpy clothes makes her look older, cheap.  Her entire life, her happiness has been tied up in her looks, she hasn't taken time to work on a personality because she has always bought into society's idea of beauty, namely youth.

The 21 year old guy does not work out.  He doesn't do just what she wants him to do, he doesn't react just as she wants him to react to her.  She pulls some stunts to create drama because she is starved for affection.  Her entire youth was squandered, like so many other women's, on a marriage that made her feel unloved.  Spent on raising children, who, now mostly grown, do not need her as much as they did when they were younger, so she seeks solace in relationships that have meaning only to her.  Younger men, especially those who have never been married before, never had children, just don't play those dramatic head games.  The very young guy throws up his hands, sends her a text saying he just doesn't need the bull shit anymore.

The next one is in his 30's, still too young, still never been married, no children of his own, too critical because all she has known was a husband for too long who was critical, so, like many women in her present situation, she gravitates toward the familiar.  Not understanding that men her own age, or older, those who have sewn their wild oats, maybe even been married before, maybe divorced for some time, more settled and reliable, look for women who are beautiful inside.  She does not realize they are more suited to helping her find real love, no drama and no games.  Reliable and steady, the strong but quiet love, seems boring to her.

She hates the idea of dating guys who are older, in their fifties or beyond, because to her, this is admitting she too is growing older.  But they would be better choices, better than trying to recapture her high school years, for those years are gone.  She cannot stop mourning her lost youth. Older men date younger women for the same reasons, to appear to be desirable, even though they are older.  But people their own age are more stable, more established in this game we call life.  Much more willing to be less critical and allow them to be themselves, not some image they have in their heads. Sad they haven't learned it's fine to be alone, for a while anyway, alone to get to know themselves much better, know who they are and what they want in life.  

 

Divorce diaries

Should have been what many of us women did first, before marriage.

When a woman lives in a small town, with no women's shelters, she is basically on her own.  She has to stay with friends, hope Social Services puts you and your kids in a motel or sleep in her car, if she can even afford a car.  I know, first hand.  I went to Social Services once, the first time I had tried to leave, and this is what one of those workers said to me: "I'm so booked up right now.  Can't you just make up?  For a while?"  Now it's a statistical fact most abused women leave 5 times before staying away, or for good.  Can't imagine why in small towns.  I know those workers hope we all leave their jurisdiction, to save them paperwork.  One woman I met, later on, while working in a city that did have a shelter, fled with her small dog, to be told: "I'm sorry but we cannot let you have your dog."  Bull shit!  There is a loving connection with a pet, what in hell is wrong with agencies anyway?

Getting services is frustrating.

A woman has to go for services if she has no job at the time.  The abuser usually makes sure she has no decent job because he calls where she works, or she is emotionally distraught as to what is going at home, no social support, and isolated that she ends up losing her job. 

My two kids and I stayed with a friend for a while, but her husband was so abusive, that was a trauma by itself.  We stayed there because even though I found a nice apartment, Social Services refused to pay for it because the landlord didn't require a security deposit.  No safe haven because of some effed up rules.  

Then we found a HUD apartment and we had absolutely no furniture because we fled with the clothes on our backs.  But we were happier than in a household full of turmoil.  Social Services offered no help with furniture nor tells you they have a fund for any.

I know many people view women who go for services as lazy, incompetent, shiftless, bad mothers and so on so forth.  Not so.  If you have school aged kids, well you also have to 'look for a job' because Welfare to Work is supposed to help you be self-sufficient. But how is that?  You usually have to get a low paying job, crappy hours, no support especially after a while, for child care, no car and Still have to get food stamps and Medicare because the crappy job pays nothing, so you cannot afford rent and utilities and food.  You know what small towns offer for jobs?  Mostly the "Would you like fries with that?"  Kind of employment.

Over the edge yet?

The times I had called the police when the abuser was acting up, went like this:  once the cop sided with the ex saying: "I understand, my ex wife is a bitch too."  The abuser is not the bitch?  Then another cop tried to talk me out of having him arrested.  Explaining to me the abuser was just distraught and upset.  

Yes, he usually was distraught and upset over nothing.  What's new?  I am a firm believer that a Case Manager should go on Every domestic call simply for the woman to have someone to talk to, and to have moral support.

Like I always say: "Stop domestic violence" is nothing more than the slogan and the cause of the week once a year.

What have YOU done to help an abused woman get someplace safe?  

For love Part 3

I was excited tonight, this was our first date and I was looking forward to showing Steve off to all my high school friends at the party.  I 
refused to allow my dad's disapproval of dating Steve to ruin my excitement.



“Get the door Daddy,” I yelled from my room 
again.  

“Do I have to?”   He was kidding, I think. He 
often used that tone when he was not happy 
with one of my choices though.


 “Yes, Daddy, please, for me?”  I begged him.

 “I’m going, I’m going.”  Opening the door, he 
looked this handsome young man up and down 
with a critical eye as I peeked around the 
corner, from my bedroom door.  

 “She will be down in a minute, Son, take a seat 
on the sofa.”
I hurriedly did a last check on my hair and makeup, then almost flew down the stairs, 
hoping Dad and Steve didn’t have to have much 
of a conversation.  I had no idea where a 
lengthy chat might lead, especially in my dad’s case.

  I knew Dad could ask some uncomfortable questions, making them sound almost like an interrogation sometimes.

 He has done that in the past with the few dates I ever did manage to land. 


“Hi Steve,”  I said, giving him a peck on the cheek.


Steve was smiling and by the look on his face, I knew I'd picked the right outfit for the evening. 

He seemed very pleased when he saw me.

Why do we apologize as women?

What bugs me most about many women is that when we complain, state our cases,point out injustices or whatever, we tend to make apologies especially when some guy brings it to our attention.  Why do we do this?


A guy bitches, he's a go -getter, a person who forges ahead, a guy with vision.  I love a particular episode of Sex and the City, when Samantha is trying to land a contract with an executive.  He bitches that Sam slept with one of his big employees.  Her response:  If I were a guy, you'd pour me a drink, offer me a cigar and say, way to go.   The line is something along that order.  But she was right.  We've come along way?   Sure we have.


Why did society want women in the work force anyway?  To compete with men, because billionaires think women need equality, pretty unlikely.  It's because big companies want women to buy, buy, buy!  Just like men do.


Do you see men buying anti-aging creams,getting boob jobs, getting eyelash and eyeliner makeup?  Well,maybe some do,but women makeup that billion dollar industry,keeping it afloat.  Why?  Well not only do women apologize for saying and acting on things, we apparently think we don't look good enough either. We apologize for our looks.  Men,paunchy, old men, seem to be some prime catch, but women, well not so.

A picture HubPages bitched about.  OMG,women have boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!