Boys and playing with dolls

I remember an 'incident' with my now ex-husband, when my oldest son was playing 'tea party' with his sister and feeding her dolls with a bottle.  The (stupid man ex) barged in and had a fit, trying to tell me that 'boys need trucks and GI Joes' (which BTW looked like dolls to me) because boys need to grow up to be men.  Gawd........Not like my ex I hope, no one likes those men.

Another 'incident' involved playing with and baking in, an Easy Bake Oven.  Again, geesh, boys aren't supposed to use those.  Well they can use them, the same as an adult male who is not threatened by 'women's chores, can use a real oven.  Try it guys!  The stove has no built in gizmo, like a James Bond movie, where if the man touches the stove, he is zapped, and electrocuted.  No, seriously, he's not.  Dishwater is not kryptonite to a man's species either.

Where's the little boy in this picture?

As a child I loved climbing trees, I rode a boy's blue bike (the only one my parents could find at a household auction) I played in the dirt for hours with trucks.  I had toy cap guns, I played cowboys and rode a wooden, stick horse with a black cloth head and a yellow mane.  I didn't grow up to be a serial killer, an axe- murderer, bank robber nor hate peace.  In fact, I am and have always been a peace loving person.

Doesn't this picture look all too familiar?

If boys can't play tea party, cook in Easy Bake Ovens or feed dolls with a bottle, how in hell are they supposed to grow up to be decent men, dads or partners in any relationships or have respect for all of humanity?  

A few years ago, a dish washing detergent ran commercials showing a man doing dishes and men in America threw a hissy fit.  I guess the 'dish washing elf' does a single man's dishes?  Where in hell is that elf when I need it?  Another ad, ran by a car company, showed women on a balcony watching a guy getting out of a sports car.  The conversation was: "Nice car, I wonder what he's compensating for?"  Sexist?  Yes, but why it is acceptable to run sexist ads when women are the brunt of the joke?  Men don't get pissed then.

I sincerely hope parents are much more enlightened.  But then, I look at violent video games and wonder. 

Unpacking the dishes 3

I froze in the middle of my unpacking, still clutching 

the high ball glass in one hand and the packing paper 

in the other. 

His voice was as smooth as glass against silk.  

Like no voice I'd ever heard before. I couldn't believe 

my eyes. 

When I saw his face, I was astonished.This guy looked 

so much like my first love, the guy I'd 

fallen for in college.  The guy I lost my virginity to. 

We never worked out, after graduation he went off to 

a foreign country to help teach and I never heard from 

him again.  

For years I carried a torch for him though.  I never 

really got over him or my broken heart.

"I hope my being shirtless isn't offending you, but I 

figured with the humidity and all and I guess I didn't 

think anyone would be home.  I'm glad you are though, it makes it easier for me to find the unit that needs fixing."

Still staring I did manage to find my voice.

"That's quite alright, I was just daydreaming while unpacking and I didn't hear you come in.  I'm fine.  Let me show you where the unit is.  Follow me please."

Brushing by him, I couldn't help but notice his smell.

He smelled like fresh air, sunshine and the salty water of the beach on a windy day, all rolled into one. His smell was very sensual to me, quite intoxicating, actually. 

As he followed me, I was keenly aware of his presence 

behind me.  

When we got to the cooling unit, I stopped, he was walking fast to keep up with me and he nearly ran into my back. His slight brush behind me from the near collision of our bodies made my skin tingle.  I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. 

Suddenly, it wasn't too hot at all, I felt chills going up my spine.  His smell was stronger now, that smell, it was like a drug and beginning to make me feel heady.

I turned around, looked at him and he seemed to be incredibly calm.  Much calmer than me anyway.  I spoke quickly before he noticed the affect his presence was having on me. 

"Here it is, I hope it's not too far gone."His attention turned to the unit for a moment.

  "I'll do the best I can to get it going for you."

He smiled, flashing big, beautiful, perfect, white teeth 

and even his smile was beginning to make my legs feel 

like rubber.

For a split second, I noticed his gaze slipped to my nipples and I suddenly realized I had no bra on.

I had simply thrown on a halter top and short, shorts 

after my shower because of the sultry heat.

I felt a bit uneasy and flattered at the same time 

because he was noticing my breasts.

  

 

 

 

  

Unpacking the dishes 2

I looked at the clock, one of the items I made sure I put up right away.  I can't stand not knowing the time even if I have nowhere to be, I just need to know.  The clock said it was noon.  No wonder my stomach was growling.  I decided to fix a sandwich and some coffee.  Taking my lunch outside, I couldn't help but take in the view.  So pretty, rolling waves on the lake, no neighbors on top of us and there was a gentle breeze blowing.

I'd been unpacking all morning so feeling sweaty and grimy, I decided to take a quick shower and cool off a bit.  There they were, my towels, then my shower gel, blow dryer and body spray.  Everything I needed.  The hot water rolling over me helped to relieve the tension in my shoulders and my mood.  It felt wonderful, almost making me want to take a nap.  But I have more items to put away so I dry myself off and look for something to wear.  I choose a pair of short cut off jeans and a halter top.  Just cool enough for the warm weather and cool enough to make me not sweat so profusely while I unpack boxes.

On my way back to the living room, I grabbed a hair pull out of my cut off jean shorts.  I looked into the full length mirror and it occurred to me that I may have just cut the jeans a tad too short.  I could almost see my crotch area, but I shrugged thinking I had no one to impress and being home alone, with Mike on a business trip, I continued to pull my hair on top of my head.  The hair was damp from the humidity and a lot of my curls were laying in little, damp ringlets at the back of my neck and forehead.

I  took a long look at the vast array of boxes in the living room and dining area and wondered just how I'd ever get them all unpacked and put away.  Well, I thought to myself, stop wasting time, those boxes won't put themselves away.  Where in hell is that damned air conditioning guy?  I was growing more impatient by the hour.  I figured he's probably some old guy, a fat old guy, slow, probably one of those guys who's ass crack showed each time he bent over to fix anything.  I groaned inside at the thought and giggled a little to myself imagining that ass crack vision.  Never the less, I just hope Old Fart knows his stuff and that Mike has left him some detailed instructions.  I hate being the sole one at home when man chores crop up because I don't know the first thing about them.Getting back to unpacking I found myself engrossed in unwrapping each piece of glassware when, suddenly ,what in hell?"

Excuse me lady, I didn't mean to scare you but I 

I stood up quickly, and what I saw left me stunned

I knocked and I guess you didn't hear me so I took the liberty of letting myself in.

"

Shirtless, muscles rippling and a six pack that I'd only seen in body building magazines was here, in the flesh.  Holy shit!

"I will get to work as soon as you show me where the unit is located."

I must have obviously been staring a him because he almost looked uncomfortable under my gaze. 

   

Unpacking the dishes

I stopped unpacking the dishes for a moment and looked around the kitchen, my kitchen, I still couldn't believe it.  Mike had finally purchased us a house of our own, he made good on his promise to me.  It wasn't that I didn't believe he would, but I think this house is a way of making things up to me. 

 The previous relationship I had before meeting Mike, left me not really sure I could ever trust men again. 

But we just aren't as intimate these days as we were 12 years ago when we first met.  I convinced myself that I didn't miss the sex so awfully much.  Mike is attentive, sweet and tells me he loves me every day we are together, but he just has no interest in sex anymore.  I have my battery operated friend but somehow it's not the same as a warm, erotic touch from a man. 

 I know I'm 35 and he's 60, but no one told me sex drive wanes when guys get older. I couldn't help but laugh out loud about his chosen profession, especially given his disinterest in sex these days.  He's half owner of an erotic film making company. 

Mike is the Midwest Porn King, or so the big newspapers and the television news have called him. 

How ironic. The very thing he's not interested in in his real life, has made him rich in the fantasy world

Looking around, I couldn't help thinking how, just a few years ago, we'd be making love on the big counter in this kitchen.The thought of that made me feel a bit sad.  I love Mike, but without sex, well, it's just been a long time since I have felt sexy, wanted, sensual or very pretty.  I also felt a bit guilty for thinking like this. Mike is away on a business trip for two weeks, so I'm left here, alone, to put away most of our things that the movers just dropped off for us. 

I didn't mind, this big house will become a bed and breakfast once we are settled in.  Mike figured it would be a nice business for me, maybe a distraction to keep me busy and my mind off the reality of our marriage.  I decided to stop for a moment and look around the house.  It's a beautiful house, but a few things do need fixing.  Mike likes to fix stuff at home, but right now, he is away because he has to make sure the business is running smoothly.

 I have always wanted a big, beautiful house, but not a mansion,, I didn't want it to be vulgar. It's the kind of house where I can do my own housework and be the domestic goddess' I always wanted to be.  This one is great and we plan to expand it a little more. 

Mike had wanted to build one on the ocean, but I was worried about hurricanes, so we compromised and decided on a nice, secluded old Victorian on the great lake in Ohio.  

I wandered towards the dining area of the house to look out the patio doors at the back, the lake was stunningly lovely today, but inside was hot, sultry, the kind of day where the humidity was thick and you worked up a sweat walking across the room.  Mike had promised me a pool but right now, at this moment, I'll just be happy to have the central air fixed. 

 

For love part 2

In order to understand where my dad is coming from in his objections of me dating a guy who has chosen a career in the military, you need to know that he too chose a military career, so the job itself isn't something he thinks isn't a good 
choice, it's one he thinks isn't a good choice for 
me to marry into. 





 My father has been in the Army for 26 years now, he is a Drill Instructor and I grew up as sort of an Army brat, moving around a lot from town to town from the time I was born until I turned 15. 

It has been a life full of a lot of moves, new schools, new neighborhoods and so I never made many friends in most of those other places.  I mean why bother to make friends 

when maybe next year you would be living 

somewhere else?  I just never could see the 

point.  

  

I’ve become a very good student though, in
spite of it or maybe because of it. I guess I 

threw myself into my studies to make up for 

my lack of friends and I loved reading because 

I could always count on books to be there, in 

the next town, the next library.    I have my
favorites, books that is, and they have, over time, become my best friends.  I suppose I became an avid reader because books were 
where I read about the normal kids, with 
normal houses and normal families; normal 
meaning, for me, staying in one spot all their lives.



 Usually while other kids were having birthday 
parties and going to camp, I was packing to 
move yet again, to the next base where my dad 
was assigned to work. 
 I’m also a diabetic so I’m prone to having 
problems if my blood sugar gets too low or my 
insulin needs to be adjusted.  
That often made the other kids almost afraid of 
me because I’d get sweaty hands and eerie skin 
pallor during one of those diabetic moments. 
Those moments didn't do much for helping me 
make friends.
  Most kids in elementary and middle school steered clear of me like I was contagious or something, leaving me to be pretty much of a loner.

  Sometimes even the teachers seemed to be nervous about my condition, I'd often catch them looking at me, like they were looking for signs of a 'spell' coming on me.



 I even made one teacher panic so badly she spoke to my dad about the possibility of home schooling me.  


 My dad and I had grown close over the years, 
especially after my mom left us.  He became very good at adjusting my insulin and helping me watch my diet so I stayed healthy for the most part. 


I love my dad, he seems so strong and sure of himself and I’ve grown accustomed to listening to his advice because he has always taken very good care of me.


 I rarely, if ever, questioned his judgement or went against his wishes.  He always had pretty good instincts as far as I was concerned, so I ended up trusting what he said, while growing up under his roof.




But dating Steve is the one thing I am now determined to do, defying my dad this time, something I usually never do.  I know he has my best interests at heart, he has never steered me in the wrong direction with his advice before, but 
this time I have decided to stand my ground if I have to.


 I don’t even know why for sure because Steve isn’t even the kind of guy I usually dreamed about falling for.  

 He is rugged looking, he looks like a jock, the look a professional football player might have.   I always thought I 

was more attracted to guys who looked like surfers, blonde hair and slender.

  

Steve has big bulging muscles, like he works out at the gym 
several times a week.  I guess that's what the Army workouts do for some guys.  He also has dark hair, dark brown, almost black. 

 But somehow, when our gazes met and he shook my hand at the barbecue, it suddenly felt like a jar of lightning bolts had been opened, hitting me with jolts of awareness that I found impossible to ignore.  


  Truth be told, I usually never noticed guys much anyway, but the ones who had caught my eye were usually surfer 
types, something Steve definitely was not.

 Available on: Amazon.com

                     Barnes&noble.com

Love and sex

Being happy is a learning process.  Be happy!

When women find that 'man of their dreams' and after a while, it starts to turn sour,  they tend to ask that proverbial question: why?  That guy is handsome, seems to have all the qualities they were looking for and well maybe the sex is great maybe it's mediocre.  But they cannot figure out why this 'right' guy isn't making them happy. If looks made us all happy, by the way, I guess there would never be any unhappy pretty people.  Well there are and they come in droves.



For starters, looking for a guy to make them happy is the first step in the wrong direction.  Who's responsibility is it to make you happy?  It's yours, not anyone else's.  Women hardly ever take the time to get to know who they are before jumping into a relationship.  How can you follow anyone if you haven't figured out who you are first?  The best statement anyone can make and mean it, is: "I know who I am."  If you don't know who you are the love and sex, will only be pretty much meaningless.

Too often, women act like being single is a fate worse than death.  They are sure they want to be with someone and too many times they settle.  They settle for the great looking guy who really is making them miserable by his actions or his lack of actions.

Women want guys to remember anniversaries, birthdays, little romantic moments just like in a novel.  A lot of times it's not going to happen this way.  Maybe, a couple of weeks before the big event, you may need to mention it's coming up.

Another problem many women have is they think a guy should just know how to be intimate.  Well maybe you need to woman up and tell him how you like your intimacy.  Too many women are way too shy in this department.  More on the great intimacy details in the next blog.

 

Women........Get the relationship and sex you want

Every woman wants to be happy, especially in a relationship.  Too often we think we know what we want in a man.........we have preconceived notions and are more often than not, unwilling to waiver from the pictures painted in our heads. Have you ever considered that those pretty little pictures may be just that?  Pretty notions, pretty patterns of some imaginable man we have not met?  

Sometimes we see in our heads, a picture of what we consider handsome, virile, masculine, just perfect, too perfect.  A picture or blue print that no man could ever live up to.  A Prince Charming...a man who simply does not exist. 

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Where do we come up with these ideas, pictures and impossible images?  Well most of us grow up watching too much TV, too many movies, reading too many romance books concerning the perfect man.  Do you feel pretty, charming, gracious and even tempered all of the time?  Probably not.  So why do you think a man must, 24/7, live up to your image of perfection?  It just isn't going to happen, no matter how much we want it.  Does this mean a happy, satisfying relationship, both emotionally and sexually, cannot exist for you?  Of course not.  You can have it all, if you become realistic in your thinking and and take note, truthfully, of what sort of personality would make and keep you happy.

What happens in real life is this:  While thinking we know the kind of guy we want, we pick, we actually find the kind of guy we deserve at that time because we didn't consider everything in a down to earth manner. 

In the next blog we will consider why, when we find the guy in our heads, the relationship sours and the wheels fall off.  

 

    

 

Dating and sex in a real world

My husband of almost 14 years, and I met online.  We met in 1998 when chat rooms were the popular thing, before social media took hold.

Can online meetings work?  I'm a firm believer it can and does and it has been working for us for 15 of those 14 years of marriage.  We've been together for 15 years and it just gets better each year.  How do we do it?

We were in out late 40's and I know young people like to think all this dating stuff is only for those under 30, but they are not correct.  Dating, love and romance is for everyone.

One thing I have noticed with some people is that either they keep 'dating' online for too long, or are disappointed when the do meet the real person they have been talking to.

First off, it's best to meet as soon as possible.........this dispels any illusions either person may have conjured up in their heads.  Meet in the safest places possible of course, don't be foolish about safety..ever.

Another thing too many people experience, both male and female, is they are hung up on looks, how is that person dressed, how do they wear their hair, etc.  Now of course, we all want someone who does not look like a train wreck and we want someone who bathes and wears clean clothes. That aside, it's just high school and too superficial to be too hung up on looks.  

Some of the best and long lasting relationships come about for two people or at least one person, who thinks 'this person isn't my type.'  Get over it!  We don't always know just what our 'type' is until we have given a person a chance.

I didn't really know my type either until I met him and I didn't fall instantly in love, not as we know it from reading too many romance novels anyway, but we became friends first and that is a good sign.  We all need a partner we can talk to as a friend as well as a mate.

Now the subject of sex, well only you can decide when you want to do that.  But those of us over 40 pretty much know who we are and I say trust your instincts, your gut feelings.

Do you have any experiences with online dating as a person over 40?