Sit down, let me pour you some coffee, let's chat, let's get to know each other.
I really like the picture I posted today. Back before the age of the 'disposable spouse' when couples didn't split at the slightest thing or setback.
I grew up in a time when my mom was home after school, when you knew someone was there to ask 'how was your day?' Now I know in this modern era, in order to just place food on the table, mom probably has to work. A shame, really, but then it is a shame when being a mom pays no retirement benefits either. Sux all around. But, hey, parents do what they can.
The Internet is all buzzing about the Boston Marathon bombing. Hell, it's gotten so I'm leery to shop the malls anymore. I do make it a point to not go there during the Christmas rush. Probably just as well, the mall only brings out every materialistic bone in my body anyway. Best not to be tempted by all that glitter and glitz. But, the bombing. For many years other countries have lived with this kind of thing. I suppose Americans sat all smug feeling it never happens to us. I think all that has changed now though. We now see and feel, how the 'other half lives.'
Americans always felt American middle class would always be safe too, So much has changed in recent years. So many things we always felt were the other person's problem. Well, here those problems are. At our own door step.
Well thanks for stopping by. Here have another cup of coffee before you go.
Can you believe how much this liquid costs now at Starbucks?
We all have regrets in life, we all say: "If I only knew then what I know now." We would all, anyone over 40 anyway, would love to go 'Back to the Future' if possible.
I've been thinking about this topic recently. Maybe watching grown kids heading down a path that might lead to disaster, maybe not standing their ground when it's needed, whatever the reasons, it has been on my mind.
Here is some advice I would give to myself, hopefully I would listen and take heed.
A} In a relationship, stand up for yourself, have more confidence and say so when you don't like what may be going on.
B} No, your 20's do not last forever, so make the most of them. Cultivate a career, be a better parent, listen to your gut feelings.
C} Remember that life is not high school. Be yourself, no matter what others think, be true to your passions.
D} Don't allow anyone else to sway you, to try and turn you into someone you are not. You have to live in your own skin a very long time.
C} Do not think the first love who comes along will always be your last. He may not be your last chance for happiness, marriage or a good life. You're young, shop around, be picky and be happy.
D} Get to know yourself before having a relationship. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you can work on, early, when young. Know who you are, where you want to go, what your likes and dislikes really are.
E} If things aren't going well, have the courage and conviction to stand up and say so, no matter what others think.
These things are but some of the items I would advise myself if I had the opportunity to do so.
How about you? Do you have any advice you would like to share? Feel free to do so. I'd love to read about it.
Getting older and, hopefully, a bit wiser, I'm always thinking, sometimes over thinking, about what we really tell our kids about how life can work. I grew up in a household where:
A) You never told anyone how you voted. Why? I'm not sure, but I recall my parents talking with my aunts and uncles about candidates and slipping in lines like: 'I'm not telling you who I voted for but, blah, blah, blah.' Fascinating to me as a kid. Somehow it was just a well kept secret back then.
B) You never mentioned how much you made on a job, in your work, career or whatever job you were doing. Again, listening to my parents, this didn't happen just in our household, but no one was saying what they were paid. Was it somehow taboo? I figured it must have been.
We, as parents, lecture, or we tend to bitch at our kids, but what do we really say in a heart to heart conversation with them? Sometimes we just don't. Do we always see them, not as adults, or even as becoming adults, so we just let life take its course? I'm just as guilty of this as the next parent.
I wish Mom had told me:
A) If a relationship is chuck full of drama, it isn't good. Why isn't it good? Well, drama usually means one person in the relationship is attempting to be center stage, wants all or a lion's share, of the attention and in turn, wants their own way most of the time. A comfortable relationship is not built on one person getting their own way most of the time. Why? It means the other person is making too many compromises and this leads to resentment.
B) You cannot always trust what your heart feels. Yes, yes, many people will take the stand in defense of trusting your heart, your hormones or whatever we follow when we think it's love, and how it worked for them. Maybe so, maybe it works for many people, not for everyone though. Do we really listen to our kids and ask them how a relationship is going? Are we afraid we will be viewed as too nosy? Let them have the opportunity to really have a conversation about it with you. Hopefully, we as a parent, know what makes a good relationship.
C) There is no formula for what makes relationships or even life, great. The only formula is what works for you, what makes you happy, what makes you comfortable in your own skin.
We rarely tell our kids about our own past, maybe we fear they will think less of us, but I say maybe we should tell them. We should tell them we were and are, human after all. We were not born grownups either. We should let them know what and why we did some things, especially if it turned out badly. If you can relate your most hurtful or embarrassing moments, you may be helping them. Will they always consider how it can turn out? Maybe not, but at least we planted the seeds.
Do you know why people over 45, 50, and 60 have no appeal to marketers? It's because, for the most part, we have figured it out, so we are not the marketers targets anymore. We rarely buy for the sake of buying any longer, understanding this or that gadget will not make us look like that 12 year old model in the picture, that product will not cause us to attract the opposite sex and so on, so forth. You get the picture. Even in a midlife crisis, we do still get it. The reason people buy that sports car in midlife is probably because we didn't have the money to buy it when the kids were growing up. Not a crisis at all, just something we always wanted but could not afford to buy it before midlife.
Have you hugged your kid today? Have you talked to your kid today? Have you listened to your kid today?
One big thing I did learn when getting a divorce: In my first marriage we had many friends, most of them married. I always thought they were very happy and content in their relationships. When I told the wives I was seeking a divorce, one by one, they confided in me that they too were contemplating a divorce. So my bubble of their happy relationships, burst.
Ah, Mom, ya held out on me. Were you afraid to let me know these things? Maybe so.
